Confessional:

We may want to cross ourselves a few times and say a few Hail Stenos before we even begin on what I'm about to say here. Ready?

I haven't touched my machine in 2 weeks for more than an hour here and there. I'm still stuck at 180 wpm. And you know why? Because I decided to stay with a school that, as I've stated before, has absolutely nothing to teach me that I couldn't learn on my own. Why? Especially, when I advise everyone to do self-study? Why? When I want to do self-study? Money. I thought I could persevere through the inadequacies of my school and finish up this summer while further delaying the day that I would have to start paying back my student loans.

And now, I'm even more dispassionate about that machine that has sat, unloved, in the corner of my living room. Don't get me wrong, I still want to be a steno. I still love being on the machine. I just wish that I felt like there was more of a purpose to what I'm doing on it day after day.

Added to that, my school is closing all of its campuses. Some of you know that my local on-ground campus has already closed. Well, now all of them are closing and that will include the pitiful online program I'm still enrolled in. They're offering a teach-out option, but I won't be staying.

I'm finally saying goodbye, for good, to trying to deal with sub-par instruction for ridiculous amounts of money.

Now, that puts me in an awkward position. I have to figure something out to start paying those loans back and that will still allow me to get ahead in my self-study of the art of stenography.

I'm really upset with how this whole process has gone down for me. Unfortunately, I'm just in a place where I've been bogged down with negativity concerning my stenographic pursuits. I still want to be able to start working by the fall, but it is difficult to pull myself out of this hole of drudgery. I can't even bring myself to participate in any of the forums online, other than to throw out an ocassional "like" to all of the others who are making great progress.

I sort of took the quarter off from editing this quarter as well. I want to get back into the game of being a responsible and successful adult, but it feels like such a chore right now.

I wish I had more of a local supportive presence to rely on. Not that anyone can do what needs to be done to progress for me, but it would be great to have the ability to sit in with someone on a regular basis, perhaps learn to scope or proofread, both of which I am confident that I could do given the chance.

So I'm keeping an eye out for that opportunity. And I'm officially quitting school in pursuit of self-study, finally. And if anyone wants me to clean their house so I can pay these loans, let me know ;) I'm great at cleaning!

So, I'll say my Hail Stenos and pay my penance and get back to doing whatever it takes to be a working, successful stenographer by.... let's say.... October?

Fingers crossed!